I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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