2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
drinking out of a sandbucket again
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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