a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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