Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Randomize
