ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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