please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
