I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
