so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
