Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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