Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
