I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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