I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
