my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
