Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
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Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
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Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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