Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
