3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
