I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
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