Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Never let your siblings swipe right.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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