he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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