You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
