Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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