so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
