My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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