she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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