dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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