why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
