he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
