Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
