I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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