I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
