I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
