The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
