12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize