Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
