"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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