he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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