I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Just puked most of my soul out..
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
