now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
