I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
