please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
