it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
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i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
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I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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