good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
