be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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