I murdered the dance floor call the cops
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
