no. you can't hotbox the world.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
