Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
