She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
