So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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