So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
