I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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