oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
how do flat chested girls get laid?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
