Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
you will always have a special place in my vag
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
