I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
third nipple confirmed
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
