You can't motorboat a personality
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
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