matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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