I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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