why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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