then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I fill condoms, not promises.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
