Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
