the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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