I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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