I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
