Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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