I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
