why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
