Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
