you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
