Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
