what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
