Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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