I am in a vortex of obligation.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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