I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
