end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
