so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
