benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
