My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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