If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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